Went to the old folk home today for CIP..sort of..and the feeling ain't nice..not that i am not compassionate,but because see those old folks there,make me rather upset...i have written down how i felt inside my heart..

sadness,guiltiness engulfed me
a trip to the home gave me such feelings.
seeing the folks suffering in silence,my heart shattered
all these folks have been abandoned..
hearing their sad tales and stories,
my tears nearly rolled,
but i had to control myself,cause i wasn't supposed to be emotional.
i could only weep with them with my little heart.

i wonder how they really felt..
raising their children up to adults,
and this was what they in turn got from their child.
do they deserved this?
our performance could only ease part of their pain
joy and laughter are just temporary expression on their face
but deep in their heart is already numb with all the hurts inflicted by their kins
i can't do much to ease their pain,
cept to pray that their hurt will ease slowly,and they would be more cheerful...

i wrote this in the bus journey back..did a little of editing..and this is how i really feel..i nearly cried when an old granny relate her sad story on how her son had lied to her..saying he would come back to fetch her after work..but after that,he did not..i was on the verge of crying when i heard this..but i knew i cannot cry,cause i can't get too emotional infront of them..attended to another granny..and she was rather violent..scolding people around her..and i was one of the victims as well..cause i can understand it isn't a nice feeling to be abandoned in a home,where you have no kins to be with..no kins to share your joys and sorrows..this whole trip to the home,again made me reflect alot..i feel guilty to treat my grandma in a harsh manner at times..sigh..really gulity..this already the third time i visit a home..yet,i am still unable to control my emotions..well..that's me.trying really hard to change..having canoeing and cca tomorrow..wanna let my computer rest,before coming back for a battle later on..take care everybody!

regina