Sometimes,i thought to myself..
"what's the meaning of living in this world..?",and automatically,my brain will come up with several answers...for family,for friends,for my future...for myself,for people around me?

But usually,i ain't convinced with the answer given in my mind..i feel as if a part of me is lost..i feel as if i don't live for myself..i feel i own something..perharps im over sensitive..but at times,i don't see a future for myself..

Not that i feel depressed,but its just an answer i can't figure out for myself..i somehow wish to see how my own mind works..i don't wanna carry on doing things wish i don't know,don't understand..perharps im too free to let my thoughts and thinkings run wild..but then...i wish i will find out the answer one fine day..maybe till my death?

Many a times,i drift aimlessly..i ask myself what is the purpose..what are my ambitions...i can't tell..everytime i decided on a path,a path that decides my future,im given the cold blanket..its ain't just once..from my childhood ambition..till now,in anyways have you encouraged me?show me the concern?from my wish,my dream of entering the route of JC...have you in anyway stop looking down on me?in anyway try to walk the path with me?

Why is it that i can't decide a future for myself..?why...?at times,i really wish to please everyone around me...be it family.friends..i tried..give it my very best shot...i can't promise i can make everyone happy...cause im a human myself...i do make a mistake..but trust that im always trying...trying my very best..

I really do feel disappointed with myself..i do not blame anyone..but myself..perharps what someone said is true..when things goes wrong,don't blame others..why not sit back and see if you yourself is in the wrong..but sometimes,i really can't see it..

I stressed again..this isn't a depressed entry..its is just how i feel partially at times...just happen that now i have alittle time,so i guess i could update part of how i felt...through this 6 years..its a long stretch..i have tolerated for 6 years...though breaking down at times..well..shall stop here then..

Regina