day started off well..wore a smile to school..joke around with friends..and also in some lame activities..but..after which..things came crumbling down.
It started off more or less during mass lecture and after that.They decided and planned some activities which i had no idea of till yesterday..and as much as i try to socialise,i agreed upon it.But they being the indecisive batch,kept changing my mind..wasn't really bothered about it till after lecture.I wasn't informed of where they wanna go,when i asked,no response..once,twice,thrice..no response.got on my nerve..but stayed cool..didn't wanna upset their moods.walked to CP,and still no directions as to where they wanna settle on a place for lunch.Kovan or CP?pizza hut,sakae sushi or jack's?
Im not a person who likes to be led by others under their nose, and it was what had happened precisely.I don't like to do things where i don't have a basic understanding of it.was really boilingmbut just remained silent...in the end went off with amy..leaving them settling lunch themselves.walked cum lrt-ed home.brought up quite a number of topics..ranging from cca to academics..
Went back to CP with sisters..had to meet mum there as well..ex teacher saw me..and chatted for quite a moment.My mood went back to normal till my younger sis shouted at me for being stupid,when i did nothing wrong.angered.hit her slightly,she hitted me back.hitted her again and my elder sis interupted,shifting the blame to me.
Obviously my mood wasn't the high kind, and mum without knowing what happened,blamed me and scolded me for causing troubles again.pissed as i was,i defended myself.said that i was a disgrace to her whenever she walks with me.Imagine how my heart splintered into pieces when i heard that.Sulked the whole time and by the time dad came,he saw my sulky face and looked at me sternly.
Told him i wasn't in a mood and that sis has rifled me.Before i could complete my sentence,got chilled by him.Ask me to watch out.tears of anguish and humilation nearly flowed,but i fought back.Did not want to let people see me drop my tears in the public.
Vented my anger on myself when i reached home.Didn't have dinner and didn't exchanged words.Im standing alone now..dad didn't even give me a chance to explain and sided sis.I broke down,of cause without them knowing.Cooped myself in the room,reflected.I admit,i was at fault too,but shouldn't all take a part of responsibility too?i don't feel loved..i really don't.
It's hard..im trying to control my tears now..im trying to mend my heart..i don't wanna be sad either.Promised to stay cheerful for i don't wish to let people around me worry.
Now that things are alittle out of hands,i seriously thinks the problems lie in me.Being anti-social..being rash.perharps i shall bear full responsibility for what had happened and blame no one.I don't know what to do.
I stressed,the above entry is just my personal views..if there is any offence to anyone reading here,my sincere apologies.
Regina
