For the past two mornings, we have been quarrelling over trivial matters. We're already spending so little time with one another, why is it that we are facing this still? Why is it that i still can't have your encouragement, your acknowledgement? Why is it that you always uses sarcasms on me? Is it because it might push me to a greater height? But the answer is NO..i've long realised that i have already lost the fighting spirit in me after my 2nd year in my secondary school life.

I apologise for causing disappointment to you always. But i DO NOT feel any better. Staying up till wee hours just to have a more peaceful environment to study, sacrificing my past times and sleeping hour just to have the chance to revise more. Every single day, i try my best to stay awake in class, trying to catch a short wink during recess. i seriously hate this, but i have no choice.

Since young, i have always been sat down in the late evening to do simple mathematics..and english homework just at the barely age of 4. As i admire kids of my age sitting on the swings playing their heart out, my mind often wonders when do i ever get that chance. As i grew older, problems surfaces both inside out. In order not to let you worry, i kept it to myself. At times inflicting hurts on myself so as to forget everything, if not crying myself to sleep. When you learnt of the truth, you cried with me, but it was a short span before things return to normal. Do i get a chance to express the feelings in me? When i speak my mind, you deem it as defiance, when i don't, you condemn me as well.

I seriously do not know how to make you happy, and change the mindset in your mind. Im not a naughty kid, neither am i the happy-go-lucky girl.When i wanted to prove you what i can do, you put me down. Its not just once. How can i possibly change that mindset of yours?i really wish i could just be the ideal girl of yours. But i really have no idea how can i be one. I really don't.

I don't consider myself as a person difficult to please. I just have simple wishes such as happiness within my family, friends..and also, to have the support i have wished for since the start of my secondary path. Is it really that difficult?

Regina