I always detest myself, for being such a coward. I'll always tend to NOT speak the true feelings. Especially to my parents.

I hate it when i can't express myself out. I always wanted to talk to my parents, but i've always got a fear. I fear that i 'd use the wrong words. I fear that i'd engage into a quarrel with them.

All i can, is to write out how i feel, and i know, that they won't read this, as i don't expect them to.

Dear Daddy and Mummy

I've always love the both of you. I've always respected the both of you. The problem with me is i always do not show my affections out. Its not my character to go up to you, give you a hug, kiss you and say i love you. Yes, perharps i did all these when i was young, but i've changed. I supposed the both of you know i've changed after one particular incident.

Mummy, you know i've always treated you as my dear? Despite the fact that we always argue, get engaged into heated argument, i still love you. No doubt at times i grumble to my friends, i get pretty angry with you, trust that i don't any better. I feel that im unfilial everytime i do so. But still in a moment of anger, many things can happen. I always wanted to share with you what's on my mind, but you just don't see it in my angle. Yes, my heart was pricked several times with the harsh words you would use at times, i cried my heart at night, sometimes even crying to sleep. I know you haven't been feeling good these days, but don't doubt my love for you. I felt unjustified when daddy came into my room the other day and talk to me. I felt as though i've done a misdeed when daddy told me this morning that i should love you more. i really really appreciate you. i love you, but just that i don't show it out. I don't know how to express myelf. I just don't know how. But mummy, i'll always love you no matter what.

Daddy, you're a person i've always looked up to. I believe that i inherit your character and almost your personality. I've always felt that you don't understand me fully despite you always saying that you do. At home, i have to behave differently from who i am actually. I've grew up with the punishments that you've often given me when i was young. I know that among the3 of us, i got the most beatings, the most punishment. I know that in you eyes, im the naughtiest, the one that always make both you and mummy worried. Im sorry. I really didn't meant for all these to happen.

The both of you really played a significant role in my life. Though i always cooped myself up in my room, always quarrel with you guys, but i don't mean anything.

I know its difficult to make you understand how i feel. Sometimes i hope that i will have your support in everything. I've already tried to be a good girl, listen to you, trying to do things you way. I hope you can respect my decision as well. There are alot of things i couldnt tell you. But all i want you to know is that please, trust me. you understand?