This year marks the year i officially spend two decades on this Earth. If i get to live to an old ripe age of 80, im already at my 1/4 mark. If i get to live only till the age of 60, then im already 1/3 there.

And this triggered my thinking on and off. What exactly is it that i really want in my life? What are those things i want to achieve/fulfil before i kissed goodbye to the world. (speaking of which, i almost got into an accident last Sunday while running.)

What are the things that i've done so far in my life that im really proud of? If i get to become a parent/grandparent one day, what kind of stories would i share with my children/grandchildren? This might sound stupid cause some might think that " hey, c'mon, you're just 20, must you think so far?"

But i don't think that's the case. One must learn to look back and learn from those previous mistakes and plan ahead,cause another day here on Earth isn't really guaranteed isn't it?

Maybe what i really want is to lead a life of my own. I don't want to hide behind my sister's shadow. I don't want my parents to interfere too much in my life. I need some space to really do things that i want, not having to worry that you won't like it. There's so much that i've planned for myself, but im often defeated by certain comments. Take last week as an example, i was high-spirited cause i've finally finished planning what i want to do in the next few months, but just two days back, i felt uncertain again after some comments by mummy and granny. And it is this uncertain feeling that i really dread.

But oh wells, even when im 40years old, im still going to be the little girl in my parents' eyes.

Till then

-Perharps all i really want is for my voice to be heard.