Thoughts From The Inner Soul

16th jan 2012

2012-01-16T23:58:00.001+08:00

I'm really disappointed with the way you're behaving. I really see myself as a fool.

11th jan 2012

2012-01-11T00:37:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD! we're finally at 2012!

This year, i've decided to do something different. I'm done with writing resolutions.

Reason?
Because i see myself making resolutions just for the sake of making. I've been unfulfilled with the past few years i've been doing resolutions. So, starting this year, i'm not gonna write any resolutions, but instead, i wanna attempt to live life the way my heart wants to.

I'm not even done with summarising my holidays in the last 2 weeks of 2011 and here we are greeting a brand new year, and not forgetting, CNY is just 2 weeks from now!

I'll be back with photos and summary of my BKK trip. At least when i look back into the posts in months/years to come, i'll vividly remember what i've done in BKK:)

Till then!:)

13th Dec 2011

2011-12-13T14:31:00.003+08:00

At times i feel this world is unfair to me, yet compared to others, i'm way blessed than them in many other ways.

I've been telling myself bear with it. There are certain things in life i cannot change. Since i can't have it my way, i'd have to suck it up and accept it. But at times, the process gets so tedious i really feel like giving up.

For those who knows me inside out, giving up to me is never an option. I know i have high endurance level, my threshold for pain is high, but that doesn't mean i don't feel any pain.

But whatever it is, if ever, the coming days, weeks or years (basically in the future) i were to be different from what i used to be, all i've to say is, past experiences led me to what i'll become. Good or bad, no one can tell. Each an everyone of us holds different definition to Good and Bad.

With that, i'll leave a picture i came across from tumblr which i think almost everyone can relate to.

2nd dec 2011

2011-12-02T00:41:00.004+08:00

Been a few months since a proper update of life. October's been pretty taxing, November was packed with other commitments. To briefly mention what's been going on in the past few months, i've decided to post pics! Pictures speak a thousand words:)

I think i've always been a very lucky person. At every stage in life, i'll meet awesome people (of course i have my fair share of nasty people.).

My JC friends and my Uni friends colluded and planned a surprise 21st for me.:) I was really surprised and thankful!:) Thanks to all who came down and especially the planners, kxy and sal:) <3 Those who know me will know i don't celebrate my birthday. Because to me, it's just another day and nothing more. But my friends, they gave me a memorable 21st:).

The pictures are taken from FB. Thanks to Shashi and Dee:)

And then it was the torturous exam period. It was one of the toughest sem in my opinion. Literally had to memorise tons of stuff. But again, thanks to all friends who were there:) Thank you very much for all the guidance, past year papers, and constant tolerance of my mood swings. :/

After the exams, i headed out to Rochester Park with baobei on a fine Wednesday:) Nice place to chill, except i had a real bad morning before that.

Just two weeks back, we had our second vertical marathon. This year, attendance fell.haha. Putt joined us though. According to both putt and baobei, this year we had a dramatic year. Details are only between the 3 of us:p Now i wonder if we'll be climbing next year!HA!

After V.M we went suntanning the following day. Too lazy to post other pics. The section from here onwards is mainly on food. YUMMMM:)

laksania from Nex. Taste good. But either i was sick, or the food was unclean, i merlioned when i went home.:/

pizza! made by yours truly!:) I love thin crust pizza:)

Manhanttan! with Vivi! Tried Mussels for the first time! It didn't taste as bad as what i thought it would be! I love Manhanttan:) and Fish&Co too!:)

That basically sum up the past months. I've also taken greater steps into photography too. I might enrol in a photography course in near future (when i've saved enough.) Readings are back in my life as i spend free afternoons reading some books. Enjoying certain moments in life, but definitely not all.

Whatever it is, i just wanna do a shout out to all friends who've been there through my darkest moments, brightest moment, basically, just every part of my life. The bunch of people whom i've always kept close to my heart:)

The year's drawing to an end soon. Better take this time to reflect on this year and to prepare for next year! Cheers to all:)

13 nov 2011

2011-11-13T22:52:00.001+08:00

There's a lot to share. But, not today. i'll be back soon.

19 sept 2011

2011-09-19T00:17:00.003+08:00

And so 16th Sept was a day we met to send Jul off to London! We'll prolly meet again when he's back on hols in December! If there's gonna be any gatherings in this 2 months, it'd definitely not be as exciting as before since this Big Brother isn't in Singapore. Jul's like my big brother in school and i was his successor in the J1 year. We'd hold HTHT at the then SAC in between breaks or when he catches me studying in the SAC. I've learned pretty much from him as well. He's one guy i've always kept in touch with even after he graduated from SR:)

Tonight (18th sept), i witnessed someone attempting suicide just beside my block. Civil defence and the Cops came and cordoned the whole LRT area, inflated the mattress. This incident intrigued my thoughts. " How can one just decide to end his/her life in such a manner?"

I wonder what can drive a person to turn to such means. I kinda understand how it feels to commit suicide, but i believe there are ways to handle problems. Suicide is an act of escape. I think in the end the person did not jumped out as i saw the civil defence people deflated the mattress.

Seriously, i wonder what's on the person's mind at that moment.

That aside, i've been thinking about a lot of stuffs these days. Something to share, I've recently came across one of a friend's FB page that he got married to another fellow college friend. Another incident of shot-gun marriage. At the age of 21, where we're all still pretty young and immature, they're tied down with a burden. I hope their marriage will last.:/

The term's coming to an end, and study break's gonna come soon. This would mean more time to head down to ECP to breathe fresher air, spend some time with myself and think about what i wanna do in time to come.

*i just can't find a perfect word to describe the feeling i've been feeling recently.

14 sept 2011

2011-09-14T00:19:00.002+08:00

I miss life back in college. :( Though those days were mad rush, having an average sleep of 2-3hrs, packed training schedules and tutorials to finish, but i totally miss the hectic lifestyle. The dozing off in tutorial classes, in GP lectures, running and screaming "I LOVE THIS TEAM, I LOVE THIS GAME" around the track after training, the baseline-baseline suicides.

I've been asked by different people many times " If given a choice all over again, will i still choose to attend college"

My answer has always been a yes. And i've not regretted choosing SR over other colleges. The bonds i shared with the teachers, the friendship that i've built. Though i've spend 3 years in SR, but those 3years were enriching. They've changed me to become a more responsible person, someone who never gives up despite being thrown with challenges, be it academic or other stuffs.

I'm thankful for those nice teachers i've met and whom i'm still in contact with. Always giving me the extra consultations that i need. Though my results proved to be a disappointment, i'm still greatful for their guidance. :)

If i may say, i think the best decision i've ever made in this life would be to choose SRJC as the college i want to be in.:)

Discere Servire.

13 sept 2011

2011-09-13T00:06:00.002+08:00

I didn't expect to bump into you, what's more on a weekend in school.

There was this awkward moment, before you broke into your usual "HELLO! EH EH!". I tried to play along with the wide smile. But deep down, i still have that little bit of guilt towards you. That day, i spent 2 hours in the gym, working out and of course, reflected back on the past.

I cannot forget the image when i told you i wanted to break up with you, how you held my hands at the gallery, asking me why, and if you did anything wrong. Sometimes when i looked back, i think it was really immature of me.

You were always so nice despite me giving you hell, always surprising me with dark chocs, little stuffs in my locker and my whole day will be smooth-sailing. I remembered how you rushed down to school just to give me the monkey and spend the next 15 mins with me before rushing back for your competition back in Safra Yishun just caused i was going overseas for a week. Your sweet messages to me, i've never forgotten, the way you asked me to be ur gf, i can still clearly remember. I loved you for giving me the freedom i've always wanted in a relationship, for protecting me quietly. I'm sorry we had to end just because of my selfishness at that point of time.

I don't know what relationship is to me now. I'm afraid of meeting a guy who's clingy, and expects me to spend my every single day with him, reporting my actions to him every minute. I need freedom, and a space to breathe. I'm an independent girl which not many guys can stand. Clingy guys scares me.

That aside, staying single isn't as bad.:)

To you, i think there might be more chances where we might bumped into each other in school in time to come. I hope by the next time i see you, i won't feel that guilty, and there won't be that awkward moment between us. I wish you'll find your happiness soon:)

8th Sept 2011

2011-09-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do with you anymore.
I cannot pretend to not care.

I've forgiven you for keeping me in the dark,
what more am i supposed to do?

22 Aug 2011

2011-08-22T01:20:00.002+08:00

If there's one thing that people don't know about me, it'd probably be not knowing that i like spending time alone. This is something even my own family doesn't know.

I'm okay with being in a big group, but when im in a group, i tend to be more quiet. It's not me being emo, but sometimes i don't know what to say and i don't wanna say the wrong thing.

I love going for rides alone, running alone, doing things alone from time to time. The idea of spending time alone just once in a while is really good. Staying away from the world for just an hour can really make me much better.

Maybe that's just me:/

4th August 2011

2011-08-04T23:09:00.004+08:00

Some shots that i really love! It's awesome to bring the Ipod Touch out for a run every evening, capturing those beautiful skies:)

Till then

23 June 2011

2011-06-23T01:39:00.003+08:00

I'm not rebelling not because i'm afraid. I'm just discharging my duties as your daughter. No matter how many times you've tried to put me down, i always tell myself i need to stay strong and prove you wrong. But it's getting a little tougher right now.

At the age of 21, i'm still unable to control my own life. At your slightest displeasure, i have to suffer those nonsense of yours. Instead of appreciating my effort in helping out with the household chores, you dismissed it as my duties. Have you forgotten that you've got 2 other daughters as well?

Which mother on earth will talk her child to drop her uni studies whenever she's in a bad mood? I'm already doing a course not of my interest, now you want to push it further.

I'm tired of your constant displeasure with me.

The only comfort i have is daddy. He's the one who's always there supporting me.

8 june 2011

2011-06-07T23:59:00.002+08:00

I need to be my hard-hearted. I think i've given in too much, to the extent my youngest sis is getting out of hand.

Maybe i've really failed my role as her sister.

1st June 2011

2011-06-01T13:37:00.002+08:00

These days at 7pm, go out for a stroll and you'll most prolly see such skies!taken straight from my itouch w/o photoshop.only the first pic was taken with a camera app!

Completed Sundown's 42km over the weekend. I guess management can still be improved. Took a break for a day (Sunday itself) and started running on Monday again. The lower back hurts more than the knees and calves though.

Caught Kungfu Panda just yesterday evening with my sisters. We all had a good laugh. Been quite long since we all went out for movie and dinner. :)

19 may 2011

2011-05-19T00:01:00.003+08:00

There are just days where i want to cut off all sort of connections.(mobile,internet,FTF convo) but i guess it's pretty rude to not inform others and just do what i like.

Days like these, i'll most prolly be at the beach, absorbing the essence of the sea.trust me, i'll almost feel awesome, ready to battle this life. (be it family/academic/other issues)

Maybe i should consider my retirement in Aussie. ;)

10 may 2011

2011-05-10T23:21:00.002+08:00

I learnt something important from Hannah over the weekends.- Kinship.

Hannah's my little cousin, and like me, she visits her maternal grandpa every Saturday with her cousins (maternal side). She'll always be home by 630pm, waiting for us to reach and play with her. But last Saturday, she wasn't home until 830pm. When she entered the house, her whole face beamed with excitement.

30 mins later, my uncle mentioned that Hannah kept rushing them to leave early because she wants to see us. Her cousins from the maternal side teased her saying they were her cousins too and why can't she stay and play with them. But Sweetie's got a sweet reason to that, because she sees us once a week, and she missed talking and sharing her week with us. ( i was amazed by this little monster.)

An eight years old understood the meaning of kinship, and yet, at times where i'm really tired, i'd brush off the idea to visit my grandma. Compared to this little kid, i've got much to learn.

I really enjoy family gatherings, but only at my maternal's side. Those on my paternal's side, i'd rather see them all as dead/ unacquainted with me. They're just nothing, but a bunch of trouble.

Till then.

*call me unforgiving, but i can't forget how you walked out of the family.how everything fell apart.

6 may 2011

2011-05-06T10:28:00.002+08:00

The exams are over! :) Now i can plan for holidays! Can't wait to leave just for a while.

This year, Singapore is facing an interesting General Election! I'm impressed by some of the speakers from the various opposition parties. But too bad, i'm still not of age to vote!:p

Till then!:)

I am utterly disgusted by your behaviour, and i feel worst by having to play along with you. Sometimes i really wonder why did i stoop to your level. *Shrugs*

12 April 2011

2011-04-12T22:47:00.004+08:00

Captured this 3weeks back when i went back to college for friendly with the juniors. The rainbow only lasted for less than 5 mins.

Why do pretty things not last?

Okay, at least it existed:)

Spotting rainbows reminded me of those days in college where i'll spot rainbow while running. And i'll take out my phone to call kxy to ask her to rush out to see the pretty rainbow! HAHA, old school days.

Till then:)

10 April 2011

2011-04-10T22:34:00.003+08:00

This pic reminds me of this space. I've been spending lesser time because twitter is almost like a daily or rather hourly update of my life. But, nothing beats typing one chunk of passage here. It's been 7 years already. Tsk Tsk, can't deny im aging.

Hannah turned 8 just 2 weeks back. Still remember her as the little papaya when she was just 1-2 months old and now, i can't even lift her up for long!

散场的拥抱 is one song that keeps playing on my Itunes.

While watching 拍卖, there were a few scenes that reminded me and him. I know i've been very harsh to him, but i guess that was the best i could do. I don't want to be hurt, neither do i want to hurt him and so im sticking to the idea of 长痛不如短痛. Sucks to receive sms but yet don't reply, sucks to see his fb status yet i can't do anything.

BUT, i'll stay firm to this.

Till then. :)

5 april 2011

2011-04-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

A quarter of 2011 has past. I have yet to accomplish any items on my personal checked list. So much for listing down.

I'm starting to live life as it is. No longer see life as that bitter, learning to appreciate what will happen each day.

Maybe that's a sign of me hitting The Age. :/

23march 2011

2011-03-23T23:59:00.002+08:00

me love this picture a lot. :)

i did not turn suicidal okay. it was a random shot.:)

10 march 2011

2011-03-10T11:24:00.002+08:00

Pretty skies always make me happy. They make me feel positive in life. =)

23 feb 2011

2011-02-23T00:21:00.000+08:00

BEAR WITH IT CHAI!

17 feb 2011

2011-02-17T01:39:00.002+08:00

Mid sems in progress!

Time really flies. But thankfully, studying in groups outside of house is productive!

I've got a lot to share. But i can't do it in the internet world.=(

29 jan 2011

2011-01-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

I've learnt a lot from my friends this week.

The biggest take away is : being mentally strong, and not trust people 100%

Though both are stuffs that i really think i won't be able to get there, but im pretty sure, someday, i WILL. Im too trusting at times, and maybe i let my guards down, that's why i tend to be at the losing end.

I witnessed/went through pretty much over the past 2 weeks. Im not gonna elaborate much, but, i only have one thing to say. I've not done anything wrong, so my conscience is pretty clear. Also, if i really made any mistakes somewhere, i believe in second chance. But apparently, im not being given that. Of course, im not gonna be bothered anymore. If i've been through the nonsense posted to me in college, these are just trials for me. My faith isn't weak, in fact, it's getting stronger=)

This space, i realised, had been much neglected. I've turned to twitter over the past few months. But it seems like twitter is now not as safe as before. Internet world is never safe=)

To conclude, this year marks my 11th year of friendship with Vivian Tan Mei Ting! Through this 11 years, we've been through pretty much. I can still vividly remember how we were "enemies" with each other in P5, and our so called "parting" scene during the last day of primary school days. Being in the same secondary school for 4 years, but went through a period of "strangers only" in sec 2. Then the reunion in sec3&4. And we were parted for 3 years (With little chance of meet ups) cos we went through different post-secondary education. Right now, we're re-united in the same building, but different unis.=)

As quoted by this girl who went through so much with me, In life, we do not need many friends. Just a few friends who are closed to the heart would be more than enough. I fully agree with this.=)

To my best friend since the age of 11,you don't know how thankful i am for you in my life. i guess if you didn't appear in NSPS, i would have lost a great deal in life. Im thankful for the obstacles in our friendship we managed to overcome and break the barriers=)Thanks for being such as awesome potato i know i can always complain to! Please take good care of yourself, because i still wanna date you out when we're old ah-mas=) i want to go lim kopi with you, and eat mac breakkie with you!=) of course, if we still can, climb 73 storeys again and be the oldest ah-ma to climb!=) WO AI NI AH TAN!=)

22 jan 2011

2011-01-22T23:09:00.002+08:00

I'm not very positive about what's happening around me. As much as i smile and laugh, it isn't genuine.

Maybe somewhere, there's some misunderstanding?

Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

6jan 2011

2011-01-06T23:54:00.003+08:00

6 days of 2011 have passed. Previous years i would have done a clear summary of those major incidents/events in the year and post my resolutions. But for year 2010, i haven't got the chance to talk about, and 2011 has already arrived!

I looked through my archives and saw some entries which i guess left a pretty deep impact in the past 20 years of life.

-Release Of A Level Results

This was one of the event that changed my life totally. One event that i think i'll have enough stories to tell to my little kids in time to come.

The results wasn't what i expected. In fact, it was way worst than what i've expected. I clearly remembered how i saw my grades and points. I was at a loss. Rude shock. I saw the disappointment in some friends and teachers. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry badly, scream and yell, but i could not. I was still surrounded by my friends, the ballers. Deb and hy saw how that stream of tears came down for just a while, before we left for the court. Hung around the court, sms-ed those that i needed to, and i walked home with Deb. I plugged in to my music and headed home with some kind of indescribable feelings. I held whatever feelings i had to all the way, till the whole family went to bed. My dream of entering NUS FASS was dashed.

I felt bitter and couldn't stop crying. I thought of all the possibilities of what could have happened. I didn't know what i could do. My friends did very well, but i was a total crap. The whole weekend was hell, cause i didn't want my family and friends to worry, so i had to look as though i was okay, but deep inside, i was hoping night would come quick.

But of course, it didn't last for long. Or rather, i couldn't wallow in this self-pity moment for long. I started talking to friends again, went ecp to run/blade, went back to talk to those teachers i looked upon.

I had a tough time deciding what i really wanted to do next cause i had restrictions here and there, but still, March passed by very fast.

-Driving license

Gotten my license on May 20th. and it was one of the happiest moment i had.

-Big Change In Nic
Somewhere in June, i met Nic for lunch come movie. It was the second time in the year i saw him. First being CNY, where he came over to my place. That day itself allowed me to see a different Nic.

NS really changed him a lot. From someone whom i can't talk to for more than 20 mins over PW, to someone i could talk to on the phone/msn/sms, and relied on when i was really in trouble. On the last day of SIM-RMIT's orientation camp, he even drove me to compass for lunch before sending me home. This was something i really didn't expect of him. But seriously, Nic really became a BFF in 2010! Now, we will often look back into our J1 days, where we will have arguments and i'll ignore him for as long as the new PW meeting.

- Orientation Camp For SIM-RMIT.
This camp also meant a new beginning for me. After the release of A's, i went on to enrol in SIM-RMIT'S BBM. So this camp was like probably the last i'll ever have in my life as a student. Through this camp, i got to make a bunch of friends, who are just as GUNGHO as the name of my group. I formed a 7 elements with Jess,Lao da, XMM, Bevan, Allen, Mandy and Sal. We're always out for lunch together, have fun doing projs/assignments and also chiong-ed SEM 1 together.

Through Allen, we got to know the others like Jay and his group of friends. School was fun with this bunch of friends!

-Daddy's Out-stationed experience in China.
Daddy was away in China since June, and i was given a greater responsibility to care for the family. It was not an easy task, because Mummy had to undergo an op during the first week where i started my uni classes. Had to take care of her, clean up the house, give tuition and of course, study. It was a tough adjustment period because I really felt the pressure of having to care for every single thing at home. Mummy had frequent moodswing following her discharge, and the pressure added up. Twitter then became my best friend as i posted my inner feelings as and when i felt the need to.

Because daddy wasn't in SG, i had the chance to explore SG with the car easily. Of course, bringing my family out soon became my job as well. But all in all, i guess, it gave me a chance to be even more independent and be more responsible. Without my friends' encouragement, i wouldn't have kept going on.

- Last bit of every thing
I went back church starting late August, and at first it felt weird, but then, i felt the need to re-connect with God.

The last 3 months of 2010 wasn't exactly smooth-sailing. There were some problems at home and stuffs. It was a struggle. I had to again control my emotions, cause my students are innocent, and so are my friends. I admit being touchy/grouchy at certain point in time, but it was all because of stress. I flared up pretty frequently and went into this emo-period via twitter.

Thankfully, running told away certain stress away, but i guessed i ran too much, and hence, i pulled my ligament 2 days before the marathon, and had to endure pain while running.

ALL IN ALL, 2010 was a major roller coaster ride for myself. I guess i got better at handling emotions while being with others, i learnt a lot of things from all the different friends that i have.

There are bound to be regrets. But i'm slowly trying to not make the same mistakes again.

And to conclude, there are many people im really thankful for.

-kxy, dee and val are my fav girls from the Arts classes. Though im from Sci, but i felt i could connect with them. I am really glad to have met you 3 MONSTERS=) my running partners in college, my studying partners during exams period, and for being just there quietly.

-my baobei, aka VIVIAN TAN! i guess you could see the effort i made in 2010 by attempting to go for meet-ups/dinners and my friendship with you for 11 years have went through a lot. 2010 was a year i felt we got back our vvv close friendship like we had in P6! you know im always here for you, and i always love you as my little sister!=)

-Nic, my BFF! for always being mr nice, reminding me to sleep and rest whenever he sees me up online in the early morning. Im looking forward to your ORD date, so we can prolly head out for a tour and also meet up more often!

-the 7 elements, for each of you are so much fun to be with. Lectures are fun, esp stats cos of our nonsense. Lunch are always good cause we get to go out and eat nice food. Hanging out with everyone of you is what i look forward to before and after class!=)

-the very awesome teachers in SR, for all those guidance and advices, for always believing that no matter what path i take, i'll end up doing well. The trust and encouragement received are like motivation booster to someone like me.

I guess 2011 will be good. Or at least, i'll make it as good as it could be. I have yet to set my NYRs, but im living by the belief we should all live happy as we all live just once. Cliche as it may sound, but the choice to be happy lies within yourself. Friends can only do this much, the rest is dependent on yourself.

So, i believe i can do this!=)

GO CPF, GO HAVE A GOOD 2011!

for those who read this super long entry, i wish you all an awesome 2011 ahead=)

11 dec 2010

2010-12-11T23:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i detest myself for being so emotional.

But those emotions that i displayed, reminds myself that im a human afterall.

Be back soon.

16 nov 2010

2010-11-16T00:58:00.002+08:00

I miss those yummy food in HK. I love HK=) I'm never bored, though I go there every year. Awesome food, awesome weather, awesome public transport!

Now that I'm back, I need to put in greater effort to prepare for SCM 2010. I know my knees will be screwed totally, especially the right side, but I just can't give up running. 8 more marathons!

GO CPF!

7 nov 2010

2010-11-07T03:07:00.000+08:00

Run.run and more running.

1 month plus away from SCM 2010, but i kinda feel i'll face a lot of difficulties.

Right knee condition isn't exactly good, and im not continuing with physio.

Double boos.

3 nov 2010

2010-11-03T01:46:00.005+08:00

Exams ended just few hours back.=) which equates to more free time (i hope)

Just 2 weeks back, my potato, aka Vivian Tan, passed her tp=) You can totally imagine my happiness!=) So we went out for prata ( i sneaked there=p) at Jalan Kayu=) I've replaced car plate number due to some issues. I love my girls=)

Looking back into Sec School days make me feel old =x

I need to escape SG really soon. i love getting away from SG. Cause it'll make me appreciate what i don't get to enjoy while out of Home=)

Haha, epiphany.

Till then=)

25 oct 2010

2010-10-25T00:47:00.000+08:00

I hate myself for making every move i make.

I wasn't a skillful chess player to begin with.

Now i need to make the next best move to minimize sufferings.

13 oct 2010

2010-10-13T00:30:00.002+08:00

已经很久没有尝试这样的感觉。

The feeling of guilt, mixed with a tinge of sadness.

3rd oct 2010

2010-10-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

Okay, i've turned 20 over the weekends. Thanks for those well wishes and gifts=) appreciated them all=)

This year was a little special, cause daddy was back in sin! I can't exactly remember how many years my dad ain't with me on my birthday. This year is awesome. and im contented.

For those who knows me knows i don't think birthday is any big occasion. Thanks to those who made a special effort to plan something out. I really appreciate every little effort=)

The term has come to a closure. Exams start in 3 weeks time. Time flies when you're so occupied with stuffs. Those end-of-year exams and O level for my kids are making me so stressed up. They are all increasing tuition classes with leaves me with no time.=( But what they are doing reminds me of myself back in college last year, where i spam math tuitions with my tutor.:/

I really miss studying with my awesome SR BABES=( like how i can disturb kxy's when she falls asleep (she sleeps like a dead log-.-) i miss dee's analness, her constant throwing of temper at me (sadistic i know, but i miss her screaming), i miss my superwoman val! her never-say-tired attitude to studying.(beams proudly!)i miss trend! this stupid woman who always order chai tea latte at starbucks. omg, i can't believe i miss the Arts people more than the Sci ppl. Okay, of course, i miss playing bball with my teammates! GAHHHHHH. ALUMNI 2011 PLEASE COME QUICK!=(

Enough said. I've recently gotten into a mode where i snap anything that catches my attention. But i'm feeling a little lazy to upload them. Ben suggests i do an APAD, but i dont think i have the determination to do it every single day. Nonetheless, we shall see.

Till then

23 sept 2010

2010-09-23T01:17:00.002+08:00

Okay, im tired.=(

I don't know where did my strength came from these days.

I need to re-connect with myself.

13 sept 2010

2010-09-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

Another assignment down. I can breathe a little more now! *breathes breathes*

The last 3 weeks were kinda hell week cause of those assignments, with Biz Comm and OB being the 2 most that demanded most attention. But oh wells, one last Biz Comm assignment before we say byebye to assignments and hello to exams!

I've got quite a lot to talk about. But my brain refuses to sync with me. Maybe over the weekends=)

Till then

8 sept 2010

2010-09-08T22:47:00.004+08:00

I miss my teammates. Our training sessions, the friendly matches and Nationals. Suicides on court, 5/7km on will run route, push-ups for failure to make a lay-up. Training was so much fun! I miss life on the court!

2 more assignments to go! After submission of OB next Monday, i'll be left with database!!! I will survive!

And, it's heartening to know that your friends are just as encouraging, fighting together when it comes to doing assignment/revising for tests! Yes, i'm very happy for the 7 elements! Accounting was a good start! And i know we will all work even harder for the coming SEM test!=)

Till then

4 sept 2010

2010-09-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

Another assignment down! I've never rushed so hard for a computing assignment before. But oh wells, at least one's down. the next one that is coming up seems worst.

I think the recent lack of sleep took away all the patience i used to have. I don't know why i reacted to that so badly tonight. I felt like i've been made used of. Like seriously. I don't know what is my grandma thinking, that she had to start all these nonsense.

I wish Daddy will come back like now. I'm really tired. I wake up each day with an idea in mind, and that is to keep everyone happy, but somehow or rather, i think i've failed badly.

Okay, i believe i'm just ranting what im feeling at the moment. I just needed a space to rant.

I'm still trying to believe that i'll wake up to a good start, and everything will be good. or at least, im gonna pick myself up.

30 aug 2010

2010-08-30T23:44:00.002+08:00

I've survived almost 2 months of uni life. Impressive. Okay, i'm thankful to know a bunch of awesome people and we do cool stuffs like studying together, go for lunch/outings/cca together! My 7 elements of happiness in school! (Since Bevan insists!-.-)

Of course, there's some stress level to it. For the next 3 wks, i've got an assignment to submit per week. This week's worse course of the submission of Biz Com plus Biz stats mid sem test.=( Stress level piling up, so much so that i can't put a smile across my face at home.

But maybe it's just moodswings.=( i don't know. I felt holy this morning, felt happy in school, and now i'm like urgh. Must be the stress i guess.=/

Oh wells, CPF! Don't DIE!

24 august 2010

2010-08-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

Love, is a kind of wonder.

Been tied down with work, but other then that, school's awesome! I love this bunch of people i met just 1 month ago=) GUNGHO enough!=)

And i kinda miss college days! I miss those days where i'll run in the evening with val,dee and xy! morn runs with the ballers in the morning, the Saturday study session, and the impromptu attempts to eat ajisen/xxxl chicken! I miss my favourite spot, the gallery, which was the place that saw me grew. The place that i always head to whenever i needed space to clear my thoughts! The teachers with their never ending tutorials/star progs and consultations! I can't believe im saying this, but i really miss those awesome people who's been through the journey with me!=(

I hope uni life would just be as exciting!=) i know i've been enjoying myself for the past 1 month!=)

Of course, i miss daddy who's all alone in China.=(

16 aug 2010

2010-08-16T01:11:00.000+08:00

Daddy stopped by S'pore for a meeting last week.=) Totally glad to have daddy back for the few days!=))) drove back to school for a few days, and had some time with daddy=) Feel like a little girl all over again. Or rather, i got to take off my superwoman image and get pamper a little=)

Say hello to my new love: BB=)i'm so glad daddy subsidized for me! but the damage to my wallet is super huge=( i should learn to manage my finance properly!!!

School's been awesome. I'm actually looking forward to going school though it's suited in the West. The class companions are way too awesome!=)

And i'm kinda hitting 1/4 life crisis (that's assuming i live to an old ripe age of 80.) Tossing and turning in bed at times just keeps my mind active. Oh wells. Life will get better.=)

Till then.

1 august 2010

2010-08-01T22:40:00.002+08:00

We are already into August! Oh my mama! 8 months into 2010! 1 month since school has started! HAHA

Yesterday was SR's WILL RUN. Did lesser km this year( alumni no need run so much!=p) Felt great to see those familiar faces! The teachers and friends!=) awesome way to kickstart a Saturday morning!=)

Tests coming up! WOOHOO!-.-

Okay, i'm feeling disorganised.

Till then

28 july 2010

2010-07-28T23:46:00.003+08:00

I'm still alive.=) Yes, i know i've neglected this space for 1 month, but for good reasons.

Daddy's been away for a month already. This one month was a period of adjustment, where all of us had to get use to weekends without Daddy, and of course, seeing his presence at home. But all's been going fine, except for some hiccups along the ways.

School's started for almost a month. I'm so glad i enjoy the company of the people in my OG, who are also in Class B. Weekly lunch outings and those hyped up moments in lectures.=) School's been great so far. Okay, maybe not the part where we had to rush our individual assignment. Submitted my first uni assignment today!=) Sense of satisfaction, but most of us felt so tired due to the late night/early morning sleep.

Not forgetting, my mum had to undergo a small operation, which left me all busy the past 3 weeks. Having to juggle with studies, family and tuitions can be hell tiring. But at least, i'm learning how to cope. Sorry to those who've been following me on twitter, cause on screwed up days, i turn to twitter and start swearing as though i owe everything. (oh wells, true, that's my own account.=p)

Got a new Macbook to kickstart my new academic journey. Value buy for myself=) I just can't find reasons to hate my new gadget now. (Okay, maybe for the part where chatting in msn with an appear offline status is impossible)

I swear time flies. 1 year passed just so quickly. We already had our basketball alumni 2 Sundays ago. This year's alumni was a little disappointing as it rained throughout, and it only stopped when Miss R decided to cancel everything.=( Oh wells, looking forward to next year's alumni!=)

And of course, not forgetting over the weekends, i went for my first concert in life. Jay Chou's 2010 concert! It was a super awesome experience to hear him sing/play piano/dance live. Had an enjoyable weekend with the babes at the concert, and i went home feeling instant energized to complete my OB research!=) Jay Chou is super duper awesome!=)

So lastly, driving's been great. Except for certain days where i almost got into accidents (due to other drivers who just change lane as and when they like without considering safety.) On days where i'm extremely tired, i'll have slower reaction time too. So yeah.

Till then.

18june2010

2010-06-18T00:17:00.002+08:00

A part of me wishes for July to come quick, a part of me hopes not.=/

But, i know i want Sept to come quick. Cause 3 months from today, daddy will be back in SG!

07 jun 2010

2010-06-07T01:04:00.002+08:00

Think positive or think negative?

The choice is yours!=) I know i tend to think negative, but in recent months, i'm getting better with thinking positively, though i'll still talk in emo language when i start thinking out loud.=/

Over the week, i've received bad and good news. Twitter, as i've mentioned became the fastest way to express my emotions. But still, i think im still feeling good. Okay, maybe i'm a little disappointed with how life works.=(

Okay, maybe something light-hearted. Let's see.

My eldest sis is turning 25 this year. This is giving me a big headache, firstly i've yet to get the presents! and secondly, i've yet to plan the day! But then again, my brain gives me the best idea when i'm lying on the bed.=)

And last week, we had a belated celebration for Angel's 20th! Full attendance as quoted by AH TAN! This is one of the rare time we'll have full attendance since yours truly is alway MIA-ing.=/

Had a good sat afternoon with Nic. Caught Marmaduke at Iluma.=) Love movies like this.=)

This week, Daddy's over at India. Which means, i'm gonna have the car to myself again.=) This time round, i'm gonna spend more time with the car.=)=)=) And yes, tuitions are still as packed.=( But think positive! It means income comes in as well!

It's been ages since i've done any summary/write up like this!

Till then.=)

1 june 2010

2010-06-01T00:39:00.004+08:00

You don't need a long time to break the ice between BFFs.=)

Met 2 of the most important people in my life at Ice Edge last Thurs.=) We had a HTHT for about 2hrs plus before we headed for just a game of pool outside White Tangerine.=)

Relieving sweet moments over a meal is something i love to do, but had to put it off for the past 3 years due to academic commitments. Now that i've got greater control with time, meet-ups are way much easier.=))

And,

I'm watching King Of Snooker on VV drama. Life is just like snooker/pool. You plan your game, and you pot it in. Accuracy is needed. And so is a calm mind.

I've got a strategy for this game. But will i be able to pot it in?

Till then.

23 may 2010

2010-05-23T23:33:00.002+08:00

Last week was crazy but awesome at the same time! I can finally say "bye bye" to buses/trains! (okay la. not exactly, since i've decided im only driving out further in a month's time.=))

And I can't wait for Stand Chart!=) 42km here i come!=) This year would be my third, and i've told myself that i'm gonna run 10 marathons before deciding if i'm gonna retire.=/ Which means by 28 years of age, i would have to decide if i still wanna do marathons!

Jay Chou's new album is good too!=)) I'm a blessed girl!=)

20th May 2010

2010-05-20T00:39:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to believe in 人间有奇迹!

Today just proved the above statement!=)

Another day i'm gonna keep close to my heart.=)

16th May 2010

2010-05-16T00:56:00.003+08:00

Out of all my tuition kids, I thought Chinaboy would be the most difficult to teach since firstly, he isn't a local, and he doesn't show much interest in English. But i was wrong. Chinaboy showed the greatest improvement, and looking back 4 months ago when i started his first lesson with him, where he could not understand what i was saying, he can now hold a conversation with me in pure English.=)

Right now, i've got another kid that needs a lot of attention from me. Coming from a broken family, he kind of lost 2.5 years in his fundamental growing up stage. And to add on, he's kind of ADHD and has a short attention span. I took him for about a month, and the third week, he got me so upset that i almost cried.

But, last week, he was surprisingly good! He could do math sums on his own, and read certain words without my guidance.=) His grandma thanked me for everything that i've done. At that point of time, i had this AWWW feeling. It's like his grandma saw how he had improved over the weeks, and is showing greater interest in his studies.=)

Having such kids on hand, it really makes life more interesting! It's like nurturing kids to contribute in the future.=) Sounds exaggerating, but im actually experiencing happiness from giving tuition though i always tweet about how im unwilling to go give tuition!

Anyway, I'm going for Jay Chou's concert afterall!=)together with Val, Xy and Fee=) Thanks to Vivian's Tan sentence!

人间有奇迹!=) thanks ah AH TAN!=)

and im already counting down!=/

12 may 2010

2010-05-12T00:17:00.002+08:00

If everything's going to clear, daddy will be left with 12 days in singapore.=(

9th May 2010

2010-05-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

世上只有妈妈好。

My mum loves to sing this song. Especially so to remind us that she had us for 10 months in her stomach before giving birth to us.=) And Daddy will just laugh it away.

In any case, it's Mother's Day again! This year is slightly speacial, cause we did not cook for mummy, but instead, we had STEAMBOAT! Okay, maybe the only thing that we did would be Chocolate Larva Cake.( Super easy to make!=)) I know mummy is super happy for whatever we have done/gave to her today, and although i always quarrel with mummy (it's a LHRS thing) i still love her for everything she's done for not only me, but for the whole family.=)

This weekend was awesome.=)

Went for Jul's 21st at ONE°15 =) Caught up with 1/4 of the class (since there was only 6 of us.) Can't wait for the next class BBQ!=) Return journey was pretty eventful though, but shan't talk about it much.

The coming week would be pretty hectic due to the increase in demand for extra lessons. But think positive, it's good to stay busy!=)

Till then.

4th may 2010

2010-05-04T00:57:00.002+08:00

The past 2 weeks was packed. Twitter became the next best channel to express my ideas/thoughts/emotions. I remembered telling Sok the other day when we were playing ball that twitter allows me to do a simple update, and of course it's more private compared to this.

I have to say, i guess im better at accepting death now. Not exactly to the point that i won't cry. But at least i handle emotions better.=) With age comes maturity.=)and of course, the ability to handle emotions.

Of course, many thanks to Val and XY for those SMSes.=) LOVE YOU TWO TTM!=)

Daddy's been at home for the past week as well since he doesn't have to return to the company. Had alot of 1-1 bonding time with him. I'm just surprised as to how my relationship with daddy improved that much. I remembered how we fell out over the issue of Nationals, and of course, academics.

But since the start of this year, or rather after the end of A's, i find myself loving and appreciating daddy even more. And of course, our relationship became way so much better to the extent i could share something more personal with him. (like those close to the heart)

I don't know if it's because i've got more time or is it because he's gonna be based in China soon, hence we're forging such close bonds. But one thing for sure, i know i'm enjoying such moments.

However, there's a part of me that's holding back alittle. I'm afraid of being over reliant on daddy. When he's gone to China, i know i'd play a greater role in this house.

Okay, at least i know im enjoying this with daddy and that's what is important to me. I know i won't live to regret.=)

20 april 2010

2010-04-20T23:11:00.002+08:00

"When you're screwing up and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up." - from The Last Lecture.

18 april 2010

2010-04-18T01:09:00.000+08:00

The past week was hell busy!( esp in the evenings!) Packed with tuitions right now.=(I need to get my driving license ASAP!Don't wanna travel via buses/LRTs/MRTs!at night!=(

Friday afternoon was great. Got to meet Jul and ZHAO XUAN!=) Just couldn't help but to keep suaning Xuan!=)

First suan from me : ZHAO XUAN! IS IT I'VE GROWN TALLER OR YOU'VE ERM..GROWN ALITTLE SHORTER THAN BEFORE!?

Xuan: -_-.

Had a nice time over lunch and high tea with this 2 awesome brothers!From army to school life to Jul's 21st, it was the quality time we had that i really enjoyed the most!=)))

Before i completely forget, Val said she wants to go roller blading!=) THAT'S YAYNESS!=) Babe, im still pleasantly surprised you wanna go blading! KXY will be feeling all excited as well!=) Can't wait!=)

Till then.

- i have this premonition something bad is gonna happen. But i just can't describe it. =((

15 april 2010

2010-04-15T01:28:00.003+08:00

I'm kinda getting tired catching up with technology. Yet at the same time, i know i can't survive without it. =(

Okay, maybe im just feeling grouchy and alittle insecure after a late night chat which made me felt neither here nor there.

I'm not exactly looking forward to the weekends.

12 april 2010

2010-04-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna welcome a change in my life soon. This weekend will be a start. ( I'm not exactly looking forward to it.)

Last week was pretty busy. And starting from today, evenings are gonna get more challenging and maybe a little tiring. We'll see how it goes by the end of this week.

And every month, i'm a step closer to my DSLR!=))))

WAY TO GO!=)

7th april 2010

2010-04-07T23:32:00.002+08:00

And so, my wish of escaping Singapore is coming true!=) Green lights for holiday!

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO ON A HOLIDAY WITH MY 3 OTHER AWESOME BABES!=)))

KHOO XIYING!VALERIE TAN YAN CHIN AND DENYSE NICOLE TAN SHU QIN!!!=)))))))

WOOHOO!!!

Okay, this came in a little late. Green light given since last week! But the fact that we're meeting up this Fri to discuss over lunch means we're one step closer!=)

Side note:

SG's weather is killing me! Swimming helps to relieve abit of heat, but i can't possibly stay in the pool for the whole time! Luckily, evening runs are still as cooling and refreshing!

AND! it's been ages since i play badminton!=(

Till then

6th april 2010

2010-04-06T10:19:00.002+08:00

I wish for this November to come quick! Reason being? The guys are coming out from NS!=)

1 person im definitely gonna have to meet is TAM ZHAO XUAN!!! This stupid boy is one big brother i enjoy spending time with in SR! Crapping with this guy, debating GP stuffs, oh man, i can't wait for him to get out! And worst, he said he's going Viet and TW for holiday!=(((

And Julian Chua! Though the last time i saw him was prolly at Tim's hse earlier this Feb, but i still look forward to seeing him! Love his randomness in MSN and via SMS!and i definitely love it when Cherish and I combine force to bully this AWESOME BROTHER!!! Can't wait for his 21st birthday!!! We're prolly gonna drink at his party!=)

And Nich Goh! Okay, if i didn't remember wrongly, he's definitely not coming out in nov since he enlisted much later. But it's okay, this super chao keng boy damn free! Text and call like free, plus can meet for badminton very frequently!

So Nov, please come quick!!!

Of course, April is worth looking forward to as well since LAW XINYI is coming back for a week( better than none.) This woman i've not seen for a year as well.=( Couldn't send her off at the airport when she had to fly over to Vancouver for her studies. And when she's back she wanna go USS.( Which is definitely gonna burn another hole in the pocket) and also to go on a food trip!!!( Fattening)

But at least it's gonna be a Shapes Family Reunion!!!

There's just so many people i miss seeing!=(

Oh wel, im definitely seeing Mr Goh soon since this person has been bugging to do some sports!!=)

5th april 2010

2010-04-05T00:48:00.004+08:00

Celebrated Hannah's 7th Birthday last Sat. I still can't believe for this little sweetheart of mine, im willing to take time out to plan her whole party upon her request to throw a birthday party, inviting all her classmates and church friends.

I could still remember how i wasn't serious about doing this whole party thingy when she first requested in mid Feb. After her subsequent bugging over the weeks, i realised this little monster is growing up. She wants to experience something new. Shouldn't I as her cousin help? And yes, so I gave in to her.

For this little monster, i was still fretting the night before on the games to play, and the little decos here and there. Filling up the whole function room with balloons was a super difficult task since im super scared of balloons.=( But thankfully, Ray and my sisters were a great help as well. We all took turns to blow all the balloons and got the whole place set up. Games proceeded well, and the kids enjoyed every moment.

At that point of time, i had this super accomplished feeling. Nothing beats putting a smile across those little kids' face!=) But at the end of the day, i had to be the one to burst all the balloons.=((( Had to overcome the damn fear and at the end of bursting all the balloons, i was completely freaked out, and at the same time feeling a little upset cause we painstakingly blew the balloons, and few hours later, they're all gone.=(

Looking back at some pictures, it still feels like Hannah was just born a few days back!

And now, she's grown so big!

This was little sweetie when she was 1.

I feel so motherly!( HAHA.) I see how this girl grow for the past 7 years. Hearing her speak her first sentence, teaching her how to walk and stuffs here and there. Time really passes very fast!

Can't wait to grow old with this princess of mine! Gonna see her at her 21st party, her graduation day, and many many more!=)

And yes, Happy Birthday to Little Sissy and Aaron Chai!=)

2010-03-30T23:57:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY CHERIE CHAN JIA MIN AKA DUMB DUMB!=)

You know i love you very much!=)

Much to blog, but not in the correct mood.

28 march 2010

2010-03-28T23:36:00.003+08:00

HELLO WORLD!

I finally flew a kite today!=) Like after 20 years of living.-_-" Kite-flying really got me all excited even though my back was super pain.=( But still, I LOVE KITE-FLYING!!!=)

And im feeling very sleepy.=(

25th march 2010

2010-03-25T01:13:00.000+08:00

Long Road To Nowhere.

I'm kinda in a very lost direction right now. When friends come to me asking for my opinions/views, or confide in me, I would somehow be able to give them the best options I could offer.

But why can't I do it for myself? I don't know if it's because I'm afraid to take the next step, or I'm really LOST this time. Maybe I just don't want to be hurt another time. The feeling of anticipating something only to realise that I won't be able to fulfil it just brings me down.

On a side note, I had a great catching up session with Val today before and after work.=) Babe, you know, i really enjoy every moment talking to you!=)))Love you ttm!

Till then
- And I just realised today is the 25th. A day i used to look forward to.

24 march 2010

2010-03-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

I feel like getting out of Singapore. Retreating to a more peaceful place for a few days would be good.

Tioman, Bali, Bintan.=))) But then, these are just thoughts.=(

21 march 2010

2010-03-21T23:03:00.002+08:00

There's this Korean Drama that im catching right now, Obstetrics and Gynecology Doctors. Quite an interesting show. Very medical kind. Think along the line of Grey's Anatomy or those HK doctor drama.

2 episodes and it already got me searching for tissues around my room. It made me realise how great mother's love could be, as well as how selfish some mother can be. (Reality check: isn't this why the world isn't perfect?)

I've been running almost everyday.(with the exception of Thurdays since im giving tuition at night.) And i think i'm having a LHRS with the weather. I hate it cause whenever it starts to rain, not only do i not get the chance to run, but also my right knee in particular would start to hurt like hell.BUT, i love it because of the refreshing feel it brings, and it kind of sync with my mood for the period. (pathetic fallacy!)

But oh wells, at least it gives me the chance to indulge in hot chocolate while cosying up on my bed reading a book.=)))

Till Then.
- There's no more definite response than silence.

19 march 2010

2010-03-19T01:03:00.000+08:00

Have been in love with this watch since late last year. But apparently, i still can't find it in SG.=( Oh wells, be positive, maybe it just doesn't want me to waste money.=/

There's pretty much to update, but im feeling a little lazy to go into details.

I headed down to USS (sneak preview) with Vi and Putt plus Hannah and Aunt. My views on USS : Let it run for a few more months before spending the 60 plus dollars to get your arse in, and throw yourself into a world of fantasy. Techincal faults/errors are pretty common, long queues to be expected. Just don't get all excited/ hype up now and spend the money to get in just because you want to have a first-hand experience, only to realise there's pretty much disappointments as well.But i must say, the 4D experience that i had was pretty cool!=) So that's USS for you!.

That's so much i want to talk about. Feeling tired from the minimal hours of sleep i get each day. Pretty much of an irony since i should be able to rest/sleep more as i don't even have to worry about being late for school/rush tutorials/revisions. =/

Till then

12 march 2010

2010-03-12T00:52:00.002+08:00

This week is pretty much like a recovery week for me.=/

Headed out to ECP with KXY after our driving lesson. Blading=)=)=) Love ECP when there's not much of people.=) Bladed to Carl's Junior before slacking there for a long period of time.

Did i mention i love sitting on those big rocks(or whatever you call it) and look at those planes waiting to land, and listening to those waves that never failed to make me more at ease.=) Thank goodness the silly girl loves this as well! Cool day out to nurse my broken heart.=/ THANK YOU SO MUCH SILLY GIRL.LOVE YOU TTM.=)

and yes, VTMT, thank you for being so sweet and accompany me all the way to Ubi to support my last theory test.=) As promised, you'll get to eat your favourite, specially hand made by me okay. Will let you know once it's all done up.=))

To those who've been checking out on me, asking about my plans and stuffs like that, thank you very much. Those thoughts are much appreciated.=) Don't worry too much. I'm a tough person to start with. 天无绝人之路. I believe things happen for a reason. Im still trying to convince myself that God just wants to put me and prepare me for a bigger challenge before i'll turn even better.=/ (HAHA, yeah right.)

Oh well, whatever it is, this isn't the end of the world.=)

9march 2010

2010-03-09T01:52:00.002+08:00

After the previous post, i headed to bed. And i had a dream.

In it, daddy responded to me via his blog.(as far as im concerned, daddy doesn't have one.) In that dream, daddy posted his feelings with regards to my results, as well as some bits and pieces of the family. After which, i woked up. What daddy wrote in the dream was super touching. I can't remember exactly his words, but it's along the line that no matter what i've done, im still his little precious.and ya da ya da.

Daddy, please do not throw me in Singapore for too long when you're officially posted to China=((. I'll prolly die from shouldering those responsibilities of taking care of the family.=(

Till then
-Give me a break, please.

7 march 2010

2010-03-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

I never failed to surprise people with my academic results.

I guess my A level results came to a shock to most.

To my parents, i guess i've disappointed them yet again. Since young, i wasn't the one who's academically strong. Yet, i chose to go against my mummy, and get my arse into a college. When i had to repeat J1, i, again, chose to go against mummy's wish, to stay and repeat. Further more, she had wanted me to take Arts, but being the head strong girl i am, i stayed on in Science.

Come J2, my studies flopped, again. Common test was the worst i've ever done in my entire course of college life. My parents painstakingly asked me to get out of my cca, basketball. My dad declared cold war with me just because i decided that i cannot forsake my team/passion just for my own studies. Every time i returned home from trainings, i get those sarcastic remarks from them. Fatigue as i am from the long hours in college, i faithfully finished all my tutorials, and sometimes, i'll just start memorising what i need for organic chem (those reagents and conditions that i really loathe.) In training, i'll try to minimise those injuries so that i won't give my parents a chance to make me quit the team. Maybe i had too much pressure, i couldn't give my best in trainings. Miss R was pissed with me, and i guess my teammates as well.(sry deb and hy!) Tried to give my 101% for every training, but yet, something just seemed to pull me back. I just couldn't play as what was expected. Back home, dad would try all ways (cold treatments/sarcasm/studies) to make me say goodbye to the team. But i insisted.

After Nationals, we stepped down. With less than 2 weeks to go to prepare for Mids, i limited my sleeping hours, hoping to finish up my planned revision. But then again, i didn't do well. But at least, i subpassed Bio. Though it wasn't a significant improvement, i saw it as a form of encouragement for myself, as well as Mr Sala's words of encouragement which never fails to make me feel guilty, but also, at the same time wanna work even harder for Bio.

Without having to worry about CCA, i thought i'll be able to focus more on my studies. I studied with friends( KXY,DEE,VAL,THE SUPER AWESOME ARTS PEOPLE and sometimes VIC over the weekends) hoping that i can do better at prelims. But then again, i was wrong. Throughout those months, i tried various studying methods. From studying late into the night, to studying at macs with Dee every Sun just to prevent myself from taking those sinful afternoon naps. But still, i couldn't do up to my own expectations at prelims.

With constant encouragements coming from friends and teachers, i didn't lose the fighting spirit in me. The months leading to A's were those months i really forced myself. Skipping lunch to sleep, or finish those piles of chemistry/maths papers. Even stopped myself from playing basketball for 2 months. I'll only continue with the weekly runs with the girls.

A levels. All it took, was just that few hours to determine my future.

To sum it up, i guess i only have myself to blame, for not heeding advices given to me.

To my parents, i can only say im sorry. Sorry for not being able to make them proud of me. Sorry for not being a good daughter they wished for.

To friends and teachers, just wanna say a big THANK YOU! for everything.

6march2010

2010-03-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday Khoo Xi Ying! You had your best present from your Daddy already! And i just wanna say, im really really proud of you!=))))) Can't call you silly/stupid girl. Instead, i should call you DAMN SMART GIRL!=) LOVE YOU TTM!

3 march 2010

2010-03-03T23:00:00.002+08:00

We're already into March! Time's passing way too fast!!!

Singapore is too hot! My expenses are increasing due to the frequent swimming trip, plus those super cold drinks i'll get for myself when im out! No good!

And i think i need greater control with regards to my own life!=( I don't like to be controlled!=(((

1 march 2010

2010-03-02T00:46:00.001+08:00

Is it just so hard to take the first step?

Yes, im more than just a little disappointed with the outcome. But then again, who am i to judge, who am i to argue?

28 feb 10

2010-02-28T23:04:00.002+08:00

I need enlightenment.

25 feb 10

2010-02-25T01:05:00.000+08:00

Couldn't sleep well for the past few days even though i'm really sleepy and tired. Heavy eyelids, but just can't fall asleep.=(

There's too many wants and needs right now! Time to work and save even harder!

Till then
-and my greatest fear reappeared after 6 years.=(

21 feb 10

2010-02-21T01:06:00.000+08:00

I couldn't stop crying when i saw a dead dog along the road today.

See what i mean when i say im emotional.

20 feb 10

2010-02-20T01:08:00.002+08:00

As my msn states "they are all lies".

I brought myself back to reality once again.

I'm getting more and more skeptical.

Sometimes, i laugh at myself. My own stupidity. =(

Sometimes, i asked myself "why do i bother/care so much?"

Sometimes, i just wish to sit at a corner, and not do anything.

But guess what. Maybe it's just me. I can't sit back and do nothing.=(

Till then
- call me silly, call me stupid. Maybe that's the way i am.

16 feb 10

2010-02-17T00:47:00.003+08:00

Happy CNY to all!=)

This year's pretty interesting. Many things happened along the way. Of course, the good and the bad.

I guess there's gonna be some changes through this year again. I hope it isn't negative. Cause i don't wanna see people i love going through the same emotions turmoil all over again.

CNY without Uncle Joe really feels weird.=( He's the man whom i really enjoy spending time with apart from my daddy. I love the way he teased me, the way we used to compare our muscles! He's what i called, a Big Laughing Buddha! But i no longer get a chance to see him smile after what happened to Aunty Cynthia.=(

Okay, something random, I had my fair share of bak kwas, drinking session (be it beer or wine or vodka). Have not started on Mahjong yet.=( But i already won uncle cong at blackjack yesterday!=) And i really think WJ is super duper awesome!=)

This week's gonna be a short week.

Till then.

13feb10

2010-02-13T22:30:00.002+08:00

Few hours more to CNY!!:)))

and I'm feeling so sleepy due to the lack of sleep the past few nights:(oh man:(

can't wait to feed on bak kwas!:))and of course,drinking session plus those MJ times too!:))

till then!!:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR people!:))

10 feb 10

2010-02-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

Im a thinker. I tend to think too much. Things may look simple, but yet, i always look in a different angle. Am i confusing myself? or am i letting myself be confused?=/

There's obviously a difference between confusing myself and letting myself be confused. One of them is an example of voluntary action, while the other is an example of an involuntary action. Ah, that's too much bio!

And recently, i realised how i am easily affected by people. Let's put it this way, i get affected in some ways when i hear about certain things coming from certain people/ seeing certain actions coming from them. It need not be explicit, but somehow i just feel it. And i don't think im being over-sensitive. Cause it happened not only once or twice. What's worst, when this happens to come from those that i value/care/love. On the surface, i look as though i don't give a damn. But beneath everything, i actually do. I guess this kind of forms up the "emoness" in me late at night since that's the time i really start reflecting and thinking.

But if i turn it around, or rather look in another angle, it may look like im being petty/ selfish. And that's why sometimes i choose to keep everything in silent. I know it may not be a good thing, but maybe that's just me.

Okay, this post is a little bit of here and there. (incoherent!) I'm actually attempting to write out how i actually feel inside, but you know, it isn't easy.

Till then.

9 feb 10

2010-02-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

And so i went to the mummies exhibit with Cherish last Sat. Pretty interesting! It's a pity SJ couldn't join us, and of course our dear Miss Law who's still in Canada. But good news, LAW XINYI is coming back this April!=)

Took pictures, but im pretty lazy to start doing editing and uploading them up on FB, cause FB's always lagging.=(

Anyway,i love running at ECP! i can spend my whole evening running! Ran for 2 hours today, and it's awesome! Partly daddy ran with me, and also i get to see sunset! Somehow, going to ECP can kinda lift up my spirit. Maybe i should start saving and buy a condo unit at ECP in time to come!

But i still love running at Buangkok/SK/ Punggol!

Till then.

8 feb 10

2010-02-08T09:57:00.000+08:00

I love long bus rides! It allows me to sink into my own world.listening to the music that I want to,reading the book I want to.and of course,people watch on those seated around me.

But somehow after using the circle line to get to my destination, I no longer enjoy the 1hr plus journey by bus!:(I feel that it's pretty much a waste of time to get myself home when I can spend a little more to get home in a more comfortable and faster journey!

Maybe that's human. Give them something better,they'll not want what they used to have.

Till then

6 feb 10

2010-02-06T02:16:00.000+08:00

Today just happened to be one of those days where im feeling real crappy.

The best thing?

I don't know why im feeling this way.

Fuck, im getting nowhere.:(

I SHOULD be happy. But why?

- Maybe it's what you've said that really kept me bothered the whole night.

2 feb 10

2010-02-02T11:42:00.002+08:00

And we've finally finished the first month of 2010 and we're into FEB!

Just another 2 weeks to CNY. I need to come out with an exercise plan to offset those goodies im gonna consume! Did i mention i can never resist BAK KWAs! Im okay if you take pineapple tarts away from me, but not so if bak kwas were taken away from me! HEH!

CNY this year is gonna be very different. My second year not spending it with Uncle Joe and his family, since last year due to Aunty Cynthia's worsened condition, they weren't in a mood for celebration, and then in the later part of the year, Uncle Joe passed on due to fits and Aunty Cynthia eventually succumbed to cancer and went away too.=(

But oh wells. I know they're better up there.=) At least that's the only comfort that i can seek.

And i've finally finished watching Hi My Sweetheart.=) Happy ending!=)

Till then!

28 jan 10

2010-01-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

What's a family?

26 jan 2010

2010-01-26T01:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, all it takes, is just courage from within ourselves to pursue what we really want in our lives. And very often, the first step is always the hardest.

But are we willing to pluck up our courage to take this first step?

So what if we fall? So what if we experience failure?

Does it mean we're gonna give up just like that?

Till then.

-at least i know how courageous i've been all these while.=)

24 jan 10

2010-01-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

People, say hello to Tickles!=)

I love bringing Tickles out everywhere i go!=)

And thanks to my dad, i've got to know of a new place to get electronics products!=)

Oh, and catching up with Cherish Lim really made my weekend awesome!=) The last time i saw her was before A's at Pizza Hut, and yesterday we met at Starbucks!=) I love her hair!=))And of course, i can't wait to go visit the mummies with her!=)

There's so much i wanna write out, but my hand just seems to unwilling to sync with my brain. Oh wells.

Till then.

22 jan 10

2010-01-23T00:54:00.002+08:00

I really miss playing basketball with my team mates!=(

Oh, and im gonna start making friends with BIOLOGY AND CHEMISTRY! yayness to bio, erm..i've got no comments for chem!

Till then.

20jan 10

2010-01-20T21:18:00.003+08:00

This year marks the year i officially spend two decades on this Earth. If i get to live to an old ripe age of 80, im already at my 1/4 mark. If i get to live only till the age of 60, then im already 1/3 there.

And this triggered my thinking on and off. What exactly is it that i really want in my life? What are those things i want to achieve/fulfil before i kissed goodbye to the world. (speaking of which, i almost got into an accident last Sunday while running.)

What are the things that i've done so far in my life that im really proud of? If i get to become a parent/grandparent one day, what kind of stories would i share with my children/grandchildren? This might sound stupid cause some might think that " hey, c'mon, you're just 20, must you think so far?"

But i don't think that's the case. One must learn to look back and learn from those previous mistakes and plan ahead,cause another day here on Earth isn't really guaranteed isn't it?

Maybe what i really want is to lead a life of my own. I don't want to hide behind my sister's shadow. I don't want my parents to interfere too much in my life. I need some space to really do things that i want, not having to worry that you won't like it. There's so much that i've planned for myself, but im often defeated by certain comments. Take last week as an example, i was high-spirited cause i've finally finished planning what i want to do in the next few months, but just two days back, i felt uncertain again after some comments by mummy and granny. And it is this uncertain feeling that i really dread.

But oh wells, even when im 40years old, im still going to be the little girl in my parents' eyes.

Till then

-Perharps all i really want is for my voice to be heard.

17 jan 10

2010-01-17T20:02:00.002+08:00

Just last week, i blogged about how pleased i was with my awesome weekend. And just this weekend, everything changed. Not between daddy and me, but rather, the domestic affairs. Speaking to each other with sarcasm intended, cold war. The worst thing is to be the middle man for everything. Tell me how "awesome" this is.

-i love my secret getaway.

14 jan 10

2010-01-15T11:53:00.002+08:00

I kinda miss studying.=/

The youngest one at home has been asking me some questions from her pile of work. From E-math to A-math, Physics to Bio. Love doing science practs!(okay, maybe not when it came to JC.hahaha!) And i think she's feeling the same way as i do for physics! physics was my worst subject!( okay, some topics can do, but majority was crap!)I tried loving physics, but apparently it was a total failure. TTN became my best friend every saturday morning! Attempted physics during my second year of J1, and it was a total disaster! Sleeping in lectures became my forte!=)

and,

I love my current lifestyle now.=) Go running/swimming as and when i want, not having to worry i don't have enough time. Give tuition twice a week, and the rest of the days are for myself!=) I hope my camp assignments will start flooding in. If not, im gonna take up more tuition assignment. Im pretty scared i'll get sick of this kind of lifestyle.

And i realised, sometimes, viewing things in a third party angle will make one realise how wrong he or she has been all these while.

But, sometimes its already too late.

12 jan 10

2010-01-12T00:56:00.000+08:00

I still can't understand why people can be so oblivious to their surroundings at times. This evening would be a good example. Boarded Bus 86 from AMK hub, and there was this uncle who sat just infront of me, eating durian. HELLO UNCLE, NO EATING OF DURIANS WHEN YOU TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORT!

And i realised, giving tuition really gave me an idea how it feels to be a teacher. There's this sense of satisfaction when you see your student gets better with each lesson, and somehow, this has kinda re-confirmed my stand to enter the teaching line.( yes, i do have the thought of joining the teaching career.HAHA.)

I don't know if anyone would feel this way, but have it ever occurred to you that sometimes, the person you thought you do not care about is actually the one you really care about, and vice versa? Maybe it's just me and my ideas. Oh wells, getting crappy EARLY IN THE MORNING.

Till then.

10 jan 10

2010-01-10T02:06:00.000+08:00

This weekend of mine is really awesome!=) Though im really tired (due to sleep deficiency) but i really enjoyed every moment!(okay, maybe not when i got real pissy and touchy when im sleepy.) From spending quality time with daddy, to being able to do what i've always wanted to do, tell me, what more can i ask for?

Though this happiness may be short-lived(since daddy has already decided to go China)but being able to enjoy it, or rather to re-experience this once-in-a-while kind of happiness, im more than happy! (yes, im an easily sastified girl!(:)

For now, im just going to enjoy every single moment i get to spend with my dad and my family before he leaves for China( which is i don't know when.)

-It's been ages since i have this sense of satisfaction! And im pretty sure it's because i've learnt to take things in a more positive way.=)

9 jan 10

2010-01-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

I think spending quality time with family is really important. I love spending time with daddy. Especially over the weekends. Today was really awesome!

Firstly, a confession. I threw a tantrum today.(this is really unlike me, but i was really grouchy) And mummy was being a meanie at first.(wake me up to mop the floor when i only had 2hrs of sleep cause i was rushing some work for daddy.) Then daddy came into my room and tried to make me happy.=)) So we went swimming, and we really had a lot of fun. I really felt like i was back into my childhood days, and there was this sudden urge to hug daddy.=/ After that daddy brought me out to buy lunch(yes, lunch at 4pm) at KFC and we bought some paint to paint the house tomorrow morning. And we went home, ate and caught a movie together. I felt like i was daddy's only girl.HAHA.(sounded damn deprived of fatherly love.) Even mummy was jealous to the extent that she asked daddy why is he so nice to me!=))

Next up, went over to mama's house. Went down to play ball alone first until Clement came over to find me. And we started playing 1-1 and i also taught him alittle bit of here and there. After which, Hannah was really cool! She opened up my favourite pack of biscut and started feeding me with it though i didn't had the appetite to eat.=) And we started gaming on the computer.

And this pretty much sum up my BAGUS Saturday, even though i was really tired after those games and work that i had to help daddy.=))This is the kind of weekend i really enjoy, though it happens only once in a while, but i guess just because it happens only once in a while that i cherish it=)

And because of today, it really make up for those days i felt really crappy over the past week.

Maybe that's why i always believe that even at your lowest point, the mighty one up there will give you joy in some way or another.=)

Or maybe because i've straightened out my thoughts, and have finally seen the big picture, that's why im feeling more at ease.

But oh well, at least i get to really enjoy myself.=)

8jan 10

2010-01-08T01:22:00.000+08:00

Patience being put to test. I think im making good progress.

7 jan 10

2010-01-07T14:14:00.003+08:00

Caught My Sister's Keeper before i went to bed last night. What can i say about this show? Watch this if you need a good cry.=/

Caught This is it as well. I think it portrayed a different side of MJ. Seeing how particular he was in delivering the best for his concert, and how awesome his singing was. It's really a pity that he died last year just before his concert.

Been helping around at home on days i do not have to work. I think my culinary skills is getting better with each days cooking. Plus those ironings, and groceries shopping. I think im like a housewife now!=/

There's something i always cannot understand. Why do people like to get themselves all drunk when they're feeling troubled? Especially guys(im not sterotyping)who are usually troubled, they go out to drink. Why get yourself drunk and only realise you're back to square 1 when you're all sober up.

Im not against drinking because i drink. But the thing is, why get so drunk? Just because when they're all drunk, they won't have to think? A sign of escaping? Why can't they just sit down, think it through or talk it out? But then again, if it worked, they wouldn't have gonw drinking.

To my dear friends out there (ladies and gentlemen), please do not get yourself all drunk when you're troubled or whatsoever okay? Know your limits.

Till then

-it's not just about you.

6 jan 10

2010-01-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

Continuing with the mistakes even though you know it's wrong?
Escaping reality by feigning ignorance?

And sometimes, i just hate myself for not being able to make a decision.=(

Maybe i depend too much on my 6th senses rather than logical thinking.

Am i starting to lose trust, or have i already lost it?

5 jan 10

2010-01-05T02:39:00.000+08:00

Isn't it scary to think that there might be one day where your memory starts failing you, you're starting to forget your loved ones, your muscles starts degenerating, and you're reduced to nothing. From a all healthy person, to a person who has to depend on others for help.

This might sound rather extreme, but i think it's possible.

3 jan 10

2010-01-03T12:46:00.002+08:00

The youngest one is really very dependent on others. If i were to die the the next moment, she'll be damn sad, cos no one will accompany her to collect the damn phone.

2010, started with a not too awesome incident. Spent the last day of 2009 on movies. Had movie marathon till 4 plus am in the morning.

just abit more before i complete my latest artwork! Abit more to go!

Till then

-i know i can and i will.

30 dec 09

2009-12-30T23:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, im just pretty amazed by my own actions!=) The idea of talking to yourself, and then suddenly *SNAP* you figured out everything!=) Taking a step back wouldn't hurt right?=)

Okay, i got quite pissed off with this retard at Singpost Bras Basah today!=( If not for my sore throat, i swear i would have crapped throughout with you!=(((

Oh well, at most i'll not step foor into that SingPost office ever again!=(

Can't wait for Sunday to come quick!=))

Till then!

28 dec 09

2009-12-29T01:53:00.002+08:00

有些人的人生，是直達車
有些人卻是慢車，中間總要經過許多站，經歷許多人…
有人總是下錯站，坐過頭，不是錯失了窗外風景，就是錯過了身旁的人
沒有人知道，能陪自己坐到終點站的人，究竟會是誰….
相愛的人，真的就能一路到達人生的終點站嗎？

-下一站，幸福。

The current Taiwan drama im watching and am urging everyone to watch this! I couldn't agree more to the 5 lines above.

In a relationship, we all make mistakes. Get together for few years and then realise he/she is not suitable for you, while some don't even realise the person that's suitable for you is just right beside you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't know how should i feel whenever i can't sleep at night. I don't like the idea of having my thoughts all jumbled up, neither do i like the idea of tossing and turning on the bed.

There seems to be a need to re-connect with my inner self. I've been very temperamental recently. Flaring up at the slightest thing, swearing over minor issues. Maybe i should just lock myself up in my room, or head out to somewhere quiet where i can start to think more logically.

-Reg, get this straight. Do not let emotions over rule yourself.

27 dec 09

2009-12-28T00:08:00.003+08:00

Few more days before we officially end 2009 and welcome 2010. The youngest is dreading it because of school. Oh wells, im pretty neutral.

2009, i've made a lot of new friends.=) Needless to say, ppl like my own classmates, the AWESOME ARTS PPL(KXY,DEE,VAL,TREND AND PLUS PLUS PLUS.)=))OH, AND OF COURSE, K!(hello k!)

What more can i say to summarise this year? I've hit rock bottom in terms of academic, domestic issues definitely something that will happen anytime, meeting of COOL friends, and experiencing some shit in life. Isn't that what life is all about? With those ups and downs, then can we know what we really want in our life. With greater experience, one would be more tactful in time to come.

The only thing im anticipating for the coming year would be to get my driving license ASAP!( that would make going to ECP way much easier. Hello KXY, You reading this!?) Plus to train up for marathon! Still thinking if i should go for SUNDOWN.=( The idea of running at night is BRAVO, but the damage to the pocket is like OMG.=(

Currently nursing a back injury.=( But thankfully, i can still run, but just that i can't bend backwards. Awesome? Sleeping has become a
problem.=(

Maybe i should head down to Starbucks tomorrow!
Till then.=/

-因误会而在一起，因了解而結合，爱情可说是一个很复杂的游戏。